PT School, Following Your Heart, and Figuring Out Yourself.

I am finally ready to talk about this to anyone who wants to hear it.  Hopefully this story can be a learning lesson to some of you; maybe it can help you out with a current problem.  This is going to be quite a long blog I'm about to write about myself and how not to make the same mistakes I have :)
     I'm going to start with talking about myself back in high school.  Let me talk about swim team since swimming is very much a part of me still.  So, joined swim team in 8th grade.  LOVED it.  Coach said I should swim in high school, so of course, I did.   However....being a freshman in high school brought on a lot of new changes.  We were required to swim or lift in the am, then again in the pm, and sometimes, we'd have to swim in the am, and pm a few hours before a meet!  This was a lot for a 14-15yr old girl to get used to.  Especially one who got stressed out easily.  I remember going to school with wet hair and smelling like chlorine even though we showered lol.  Anyways...I couldn't handle it (my parents talked with the coaches) so I think I only swam in the am once a week.  It was the most intense physical activity I had ever been through.  I remember wanting to quit.  There was a point during the heavy training load that I would cry a lot, complaining to my parents that I couldn't handle all of this-school, band, swim practices consisting of 3 or more hours.  So they said, "You can quit, you know, it's ok."  And I said..."but I'm NOT a quitter!"  (This part of me will reveal itself later on in my story)  So I stuck it out.  Found out after the season ended our current coach was leaving us (we found out for another team in our division!)  Anyways...I didn't like him much lol and wasn't going to swim my sophomore year.   
     We got a new coach the following year, and she's still there today :)  When I heard we didn't have to swim in the mornings anymore (besides Saturdays and Christmas vacation mornings) I was so in.  Because I loved to swim.  From then on, with the new coach, my times started to drop woo! (I still had low confidence and I think if I thought more positively I would have done even better)  Anyways..to make a long story short, I swam all 4 yrs and my senior year of high school I was recruited for a division III school, Mount Union.  But...I was confused on where to go to college and what my major should be.  I didn't want to go to a small school.  I had my heart set on OSU for awhile, then I changed my mind at the last second to BG.  (Why?  Because it had a nice pool....I'm serious...that's the only reason.)  I figured eh what the heck I don't know what I want to do with my life and all these schools have good opportunities, I'll just go to the one with the nicest pool in my opinion.  Yeah....I guess I could have tried to be a walk on for the swim team at BG, but I didn't want to travel or practice 2 hours in the am AND pm.  Besides, I have to study very long and hard to obtain good grades, nothing has ever come easy to me.  Not school, sports, anything.  So I tried swimming on a Master's team, then just gave up trying to make practice and started working out on my own time (see my note on how I got into running on facebook!) 
     During my freshman yr of college, I just took the general ed classes, and during my second semester came across the major or exercise science/kinesiology or Pre-Physical Therapy.  Pre-PT major sounded boring, exercise science sounded more fun.  And since you could get into PT school with the exercise science major and take an extra chem and physics class, I chose exercise science.  What I did for the next 3 years:  Study my butt off.  Did NOT go out hardly at all.  Of course, I'm not your typical college kid anyways, got up before class to work out, then studied and went to class the rest of the time.  Alcohol and me don't do very well-although don't get me wrong I do enjoy a margarita every once in awhile :)  I studied my butt off because 1) you had to have a high GPA to get into PT school and 2) I was fascinated by my Kinesiology classes.  For those of you who don't know, Kinesiology is the study of human movement and exercise science is studying the effects of exercise on the human body.  Pretty cool stuff. 
     So, I applied to a few PT schools during my senior year for the following fall, didn't get in any, so waited and applied a second time.  Besides, I hadn't exactly finished school yet, I still had to do an internship in PT.  Which...I really wanted to help people.  Through physical activity.  My senior yr of HS I was inspired by an awesome PT who really loved his job and cared about his patients.  I'm still friends with him to this day.  He made me want to go into the profession.  However..once I started doing volunteer hours and my 600 hour internship...I was kind of bored with it.  But I still decided to apply for PT school because I thought I'd make a good PT and it was a nice paying, secure job where I could make an impression on others and help motivate them to be more active.  Although the nice-paying part didn't concern me as much as the secure job did.  I was not sure if I would have a secure job if I continued on in Kinesiology.  I have been a pretty "unsure of myself" person all up until now, after PT school didn't work out for me. 
     During the winter before I knew if I got into any PT schools, I had also applied to the graduate program in Kinesiology at BGSU.  One of my teachers asked me during my internship if I really wanted PT.  She said I could also apply for an assistantship in Kinesiology if I wanted to.  But I was stuck on PT.  I had been talking about PT for so long to so many people that I figured I should just go for it.  I didn't want to let anyone down.  I wanted to help anyone and everyone I could that had physical ailments and I felt friends and family were counting on me.  (So wrong, it's not always about you and they would have been proud either way.)  Anyways, I also applied to the Kinesiology grad program in case I didn't get into PT school.  Well, I got into both.  And this time, I really considered saying no to PT school and yes to Kinesiology/exercise science.  The exercise sciences is what truly interests me and what makes sense to me the most.  I even read books on it in my leisure time.  But...again..I didn't want to let anyone down since I got in, and I had to try PT school to see what it was like.
     Those close to me know what happened when I was in PT school.  And many others that I've told.  After about the 2nd or 3rd week I knew I wouldn't make it.  I couldn't handle the workload and felt I was in way over my head, didn't feel in the right place.  I have always needed a lot of time to study, and 15 credit hours of hard classes+being in class 7-8hrs a day didn't do me any good.  I have never been in any honors classes, even though I did graduate with honors, I was never in the accelerated program.  I just couldn't keep up.  (Of course, most everyone else worked as hard as me, I just was one of the few who didn't make it :) I would take an hr break to workout, usually with my friend Kara-we needed those endorphins and that 1 hour!  Other than that, all our time was spent studying.  Had no social life.  I wasn't having any fun.  I started to call home every few days complaining or crying.  I cried to all my teachers (I couldn't help it, the tears always came pouring down when I went to their offices LOL).  They told me to stick it out for the semester, give it a shot.  So I did...because I am not a quitter.  I did meet with my kinesiology teacher from BG though.  She told me I had to be the one to know what's truly in my heart and take that path.  She also told me to finish out the semester too.  So I did..but it was SO HARD!  That semester was just one big blur to me.  I was in a dark place, wasn't even praying or going to church.  I even recall only exercising 3x a week sometimes (which is so unlike me!).  I called my good friend Sammi who I met at BG at our church.  She helped me get out of this rut I was in.  Started going to church and praying constantly.  I know I tried my hardest that semester.  There was nothing else I could have done.  I remember my friend Davea telling me when I had no hope left (this is sounding way too dramatic lol, but this was one of the hardest times of my life, thinking I'd let everyone down, the past 4 yrs studying your butt off just to get into PT school...feeling like your whole life is now ruined), but she said "The light at the end of the tunnel will come, trust me."  And it did.  I also chatted back and forth through facebook with the student who was a graduate assistant when I was in undergrad.  She helped me out a lot too, as well as a few runners from the MCRR :)  I ended up not passing some of my classes.  I had never failed anything before, so this was something new.  (Well, I actually didn't fail any classes, but got below the C mark-only allowed 3 Cs throughout the whole 3yr program)  Thankfully, I was already accepted into the Kinesiology program at Bowling Green :)  I just had to wait a few more months to see if I got the assistantship.  And I did.  :)  I had a nice winter break full of snowboarding, family, and friends (and a few margaritas).  My PT school teachers said they would hold my spot for me for next fall if I wanted.  No way.  I knew what I wanted to do now and didn't want to waste anymore $ on something that wasn't there.
     I am in a much happier place now.  Life feels right again.  I took 2 classes this semester towards my Kinesiology degree (since my teachers didn't have an assistantship this semester, they recommended taking a few classes just to stay in the swing of things. And I wasn't going to pay anymore for more classes so I just took 2.)  I got a job at the YMCA personal training and instructing fitness classes that I love.  I have met some pretty cool people, and another trainer who is very much like myself with the constant, intense physical activity :).  Even though the field of Physical Therapy and Kinesiology are very closely related, I'd rather help keep people moving and prevent disease and injuries before they happen as opposed to rehab them.  I find the exercise sciences/sport sciences/kinesiology/whatever you want to call it way more interesting than physical therapy, even though I highly respect physical therapists for what they do and what they went through with the schooling.  I truly care about people's bodies and am fully committed to dedicating my life to studying the human body.  It's what makes sense to me the most and what I am most passionate about.  I just had to find the right field within the health field that was suited best for me.  Sometimes it takes failing to realize who you truly are and what you want out of life.  I have made some pretty great friends through PT school, though.  If I ever need anything, I know who to ask :)
     What I have learned through all of this is 1) Do what you love, don't worry about what others may think, 2) Be strong and never, ever give up, you have to give every opportunity your all, 3) Don't be afraid to take the road less traveled.  Some people ask me, "Well what kind of job can you get with exercise science?"  I am not quite sure yet, but really appreciate my teachers taking me back and giving me an assistantship for awesome opportunities :)  There's corporate fitness, possibly research (I think I'll really like this...I love reading and learning.)/university professor of Kinesiology...I've already looked at UNCO-they study Biomechanics and running economy in people with prosthetics, and their exercise physiology department also works with the Rocky Mountain Cancer Institute to study the effects of exercise in patients with chemo, and...lastly...the one that would be the dream job:  The Olympic Training Center :)  But..I do not know which one I'll go into, whatever I fall into.  I must not make any ultimatums anymore, as they might not work out and I don't want to be devastated ever again.  Enjoy the moment that you are in and work very hard because you never know where it may lead you.  Dare to take the road less traveled, because I truly believe in Robert Frost's poem:  it will make all the difference :)  And #4-Open up.  You cannot keep problems like these inside.  I am lucky to have a number of great friends who I was able to reach out to and give me some help and advice.  Thank you all :)  Thanks for being there when I needed it the most! 
     And lastly...here is a song that I feel describes 100% of how I felt during my struggles in PT school, it's by one of my favorite bands, Superchick:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-WErYRHavk

She never slows down (My dad's always telling me to slow down, and especially in PT school to focus on 1 thing at a time)
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down (The struggle was so hard-I felt like I was letting my family and friends down, and the world because all I ever wanted to do was help and inspire others)
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down (This would happen, I had to constantly, I'm talking at least a few times a week, fight back the tears during class)

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain (Tried my hardest not to quit that semester)
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain (I was able to find myself halfway through the semester with the help of friends and family and listening to my heart)

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself (Oh it was very much a fight against myself, if I chose another path, and not PT school, my family would have been just as proud)
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through
everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down (I never wanted to quit anything so badly before, but I have always been able to endure any pain I was going through, both physically and emotionally, so I stuck this one out, too)

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found (I was able to figure out where my true passion lied, and am not afraid to follow it anymore :)
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain


I truly care about everyone's bodies.  This is why I chose these two fields.  I care about your body more than I care about my own.  (The constant texting or facebook commenting about health...sorry friends LOL :)  I want everyone to know how very important it is to stay active.  There are numerous benefits-emotionally, psychologically, and physically.  Regular exercise enhances your life in so many ways there are too many to name.  I could post a whole other blog on just that alone.  My motto that I often joke around with my sister is this, "What's more important, your health or your favorite TV show?"  There is ALWAYS time for at least 30 min of exercise.  Get up a little earlier, skip your TV shows...something!  Anything!  Make the time for it because it will make you feel so much better. 

And I'll end with a quote from one of my favorite books, then a Bible verse.

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." Into the Wild
 
"Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few." Matthew 7:13-14   Sound a lot like Robert Frost's poem, The Road Less Traveled...?  :)











    

The Maumee Valley Tri-Adventure Race

Wow.  What a long, exhilarating day.  So...I decided to create my own blog since some friends I know have them and talk about their training and races.

Ok so let me just explain a little bit about why I wanted to do this race.  Anyone who knows me knows I love adventure.  And endurance sports.  And endurance athletes.  And exercise physiology/kinesiology.  And the great outdoors.  I love the people I have met along the way and the whole field that you can study.  My sister told me about this race sometime back in January or February so I looked at the rules and saw that you could do this race with a partner.  I knew the perfect person to ask:  Rachel Nypaver.  Let me explain.
 
Facebook is a wonderful thing (Well love/hate relationship with it haha)  I was introduced to Rachel and her sister Sandi through facebook from a trusted friend.  Anyways I saw they were going to run 260 miles across Ohio to raise money for charity.  I thought that was pretty darn cool.  So...you know I just communicated through facebook to plan out when they were coming through Medina so I could meet up with them (this was over winter break so I was home from school.)  I found them walking through Medina (Sandi actually developed a stress fracture along the way and had to finish the last 20 miles or so a few weeks later.)

Anyways...that's how I met them, was able to run with Rachel when I came home for spring break (I was coming back from injury so only 5 miles, but still a good time to have a chat with someone).  I figured she'd be up for a race like this one, (Rachel and Sandi have inspired me to get into more of this :) since she'd already been through one 100 mile running race and a few other ultras.  The race was 36mi cycling, 6 mi kayaking, 8 mi backpacking.  Ok...I'll stop rambling-onto the race story!

We couldn't train together since I was here at school in NW Ohio and Rachel back home in Cleveland.  We pretty much figured we'd be ok.  LoL.  (Well...I had to borrow a friend's road bike, I'm used to my mountain bike, took it out for a few times the week before, returned it to him, then picked it up again the day before the race.  And Rachel had a road bike, so I was hoping to borrow one, it was very nice of my friend.  Kayaking-Both of us had only kayaked once in our lives.  I'm usually a positive person, so I told her...eh don't worry, we'll be ok, we'll figure it out in the first mile or so.  We were just a little worried we may flip it.  Backpacking-Rachel borrowed her sister's pack and I borrowed my friend Lori's.  It had to be 20% of your bodyweight.  We figured we should try to run with it on.  Didn't really train with it on either LOL I just practiced running with it 1 mi, I don't think Rachel did at all haha)

The Race:  
Cycling:  Started out at a pretty good pace, was able to pass some people, and pretty much stay at a nice even pace for most of the way.  Many of us got stopped by a train, but the train actually stopped for us I think?, and everyone was so cool and friendly, each helping get everyone's bikes and bodies up and over the train.  :)  Off we go.  Then...Rachel and I were about to get stopped by ANOTHER train.  But wait.  The gaits went down...there was a volunteer standing at this one...I started slowing down thinking we'd have to stop.  No..the guy yelled "Come on you can make it, you can make it!"  So we totally had to speed up over the tracks, duck under the gates and made it.  Phew!  I think I was screaming after that one :)  Ok so we're riding for awhile...and we rode down this hill..I was about ready to ride straight but Rachel, thank God she noticed the arrow on the ground pointing left...I almost ran into her and fell lol!  Phew, good catch Rachel!  I should have practiced riding a road bike and grabbing my water bottle, because I reached for one of mine, the 24oz with gatorade in it, took a sip, tried to put it back down, and dropped it.  Rachel was like oh we can go back for that, but I'm still not the best at turning on a road bike so I told her I'd leave it I didn't want to come to a stop and fall off in the race lol.  Anddd a little ways after that we finished woooo!  It was nice to ride with someone because we basically just chatted the whole way.

Kayaking:  Hahahaha we got off our bikes, put them down by my car, then grabbed our rental 2-person kayak and had to CARRY it half a mile!  That was probably the toughest part of the race.  Guys totally had us on that one.  We get to the loading area...the volunteers yelled out, "You girls are doing great, how long in the kayak, an hour?"  I responded, "We have no idea!  We haven't done this race before and we didn't even practice the kayaking!"  They told us to kayak tandem.  We paddled off, totally didn't have to worry about figuring it out in the first mile, we got it right away :)  No flipping, nice pace, again, just chatted the whole time LOL!  Oh we had to get out of the kayak, carry it up this little, muddy hill, then put it back in the canal (we were in the river for most of it) for another 400yds or so.  That was a little harder because we had to maneuver through some logs and trees.  We almost ran into the first place female team (we think, the results are not up yet).  By the way, if anyone knows them, we meant to say good job after the race-they were so nice because they helped us over the train.  We were so depleted after the race, lol, a little out of it we were!  When we got to the transition from the kayak to the backpacking-took us awhile to find our packs because they were just randomly placed in lines the grass LOL our packs were NOT close to each other (adventure races....:)  We changed shoes and socks because we were all wet and muddy and were off on our backpacks!

Backpacking:  Roseann was an idiot and lost her water bottle on the bike, forgot her camelbak in the AM which she was going to drink during the ride, so only had 1 water bottle.  I tried rationing it out until the backpacking lol, and Rachel was kind enough to share hers with me along the way!  Ok...this was the tough part for me.  Rachel is a strong ultrarunner, and even though we had heavy backpacks on, I knew she would be able to do it still :)  I was counting on her to help me through it, and she did, thank you Rachel!  So...after walking it out a bit, we started running!  Then I had to stop because my heart rate was beating too rapidly and breathing was hard.  Rachel said we should power walk and run because that's what they do in ultras sometimes!  We would say, "Ok...from this tree to that tree...we'll run!"  Haha that was pretty fun actually, I liked our strategy.  About mile 5 or 6 they had a water stop woooo!!!!!!  So...I must have drank around 10 of those little dixie cups they had.  Rachel filled up her water bottle...and (I'm so delirious at this point that I forgot about my water bottle in my pack to fill up LOL so we shared hers again).  We continued on running and walking, then ran to the finish!  Woooo!  It was a blast!


And...one last thing...while we were racing this race...her sister Sandi was racing and won the Ice Age Trail 50 and qualified for Western States 100 in June woohoo!!!!  And...a bunch of my friends from the Cleveland Area are running the Cleveland Marathon tomorrow, so I wish them all the best of luck and hope that they achieve their goals!!


It is a privilege to know many awesome endurance athletes and have the chance to race or train with them!  If you believe in yourself, work hard, and follow your heart (you must listen to it closely...), you can achieve your biggest hopes and dreams.  :)  Thanks to all who have helped us along the way!

And a BIG thank you to my friend Lori and her husband who got us sand for our packs, let me borrow one of their packs, described the race to me over many times, and helped us in the morning before the race started!

Oh yeah..our time was 5:12.  Don't know race splits yet or what place we were in, doesn't really matter though because our goal was to just have fun!  And we sure did!  :)

Oh gosh another thing I forgot to mention...Rachel...ran 50 miles last weekend in a race that she WON!  (50s Fo Yo Momma Trail Race)  And then raced with me this weekend lol!  What a trooper!